WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
