You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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