He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
