The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
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