The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
