we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize