i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
