Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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