I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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