Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
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I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize