weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
