I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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