I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
