as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
