There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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