He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
