like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
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I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
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We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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