Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
