she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
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this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
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I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
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