I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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