I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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