There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
But we have bathrooms and they dont
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
