There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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