Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
