I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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