I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
