I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
