you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
