Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
