I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
