he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize