There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
