My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
