The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
