I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
