he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
