She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
