You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
