If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Randomize
