Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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