His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
