he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I would fuck him just for his dog
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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