His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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