I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
