I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
