Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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