Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I didn't notice because vodka
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
