Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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