Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
