And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
