if you like me you must not know who I am
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
