first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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