OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
