ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize