i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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