Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
