Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Congratulations! We have a period
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
