I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
How does it feel to date your dad?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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