I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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